FINDING
GOD'S MATE FOR YOUR LIFE,
FROM
A BIBLICAL PROSPECTIVE! (PAGE
2)
By:
Rex
Duff
2) The
Bride price relates to Biblical Betrothing
3) The Bride price establishes the fact that the Father of the Bride is in charge. The Bible states in Deuteronomy 22:21, “Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you”. The Bible also states in Exodus 22:17, “If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins”. Just like today, the Bible teaches that sons marry, but daughters are given in marriage.
4) The bride price is primarily the self-sacrificing of the young man. The Bible states in 1 Peter 1:18-19, “Forasmuch as ye know that ye were redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers; But with the precious blood of Christ, as a lamb without blemish and without spot:”.
Gifts given, cause hearts to be bound. The Bible states in Matthew 6:21, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also”.
5) The Bride price shows the character of the young man. David killed twice as many Philistines as was required.
(1 Sam 18:22-27) Boaz purchased Ruth (Ruth 4:10, “Moreover Ruth the Moabitess, the wife of Mahlon, have I purchased to be my wife, to raise up the name of the dead upon his inheritance, that the name of the dead be not cut off from among his brethren, and from the gate of his place: ye are witnesses this day”. Genesis 34:12 states again, “Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife”.
The Bible states in Joshua 15:16-17, “And Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife. And Othniel the son of Kenaz, the brother of Caleb, took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife”. Here we see the bride price was to conquer a land. This was probably not an easy task. In Genesis 29, Jacob worked 7 years for Rachel. (Remember, her price is far above rubies). Genesis 29:20, “And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had for her”.
6) The Bride price changes the focus of the man’s mind, than will, than emotions!
7) The Bride Price changes the man himself. He is now no longer self centered.
8) The Bride Price gives security for the Father and the Mother.
9) The Bride Price gives security to the qualified lady.
10) The Bride Price transforms the self image of the young lady, by causing her to feel she has great value!
How important is the Bride Price? How important was it that Jesus Christ went to the Cross?
Let us now take a look at a New Testament passage of Scripture
The Bible states in 1 Thessalonians 4:4,”That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;”. The Greek word for possess in this passage is purchase. Another wards, that a man might purchase his vessel, -- maybe his bride here?
The Bible states in 1 Peter 3:7, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered”.
You might ask, why is Betrothing the Biblical way to finding a mate?
1) Betrothing is better because it bypasses the dangers of dating and courting. Two of the greatest dangers that all fathers should teach their sons to flee, are, “LUST and ANGER”.
2) Betrothing is better, because it keeps the priority on the right relationship.
3) Betrothing puts someone in charge who can think more clearly. The Bible states in Luke 1:17, “And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord”.
4) Betrothing establishes and enhances communication between parents and children (both sides).
5) Betrothing solves the problem of getting “cold feet,” and calling off a marriage. Presently, 40% of all engagements are called off.
6) Betrothing gives the parents the opportunity to see the virtues and the faults in a future mate, for their child. They can either encourage virtues, or work on correcting faults.
7) Betrothing helps establish a chain of counsel for couples, for future problems.
8) Betrothing keeps the emphasis on the will of God, instead of on human emotions.
9) Any Betrothal relationship can be called off, when necessary. This is not divorce today, as is falsely taught by Rick Leibee, of the Charity Fellowship. There is never a marriage today, in modern Betrothal, until the end of the Betrothal period, at a wedding service, and even today it is not a marriage until consummated. Just because someone has always taught Courting, and won’t admit there is a better way, is no reason to fall into their trap!
Things a family can do towards preparing for Betrothal
1) A family can pray regularly and earnestly for God to direct them, for God’s choice for their child.
2) The lady especially, must wait on God. A person not ready for marriage, must stay asleep, or go to sleep.
The Bible states in Genesis 2:21-22, “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man”.
3) Single people should meditate regularly on the potential for joy and peace, and rewards that may come, from following only God’s ways.
4) The couple should plan on rejoicing in their old age, for a meaningful life together.
5) A single person should wake up every day, with the Leadership of God given authority figures.
6) A family should work on making all decisions not on emotions, as much as possible. The order should be, mind, than will, and lastly emotions.
7) A qualified man should establish a secure relationship, with all purity, winning a Ladies heart God’s way only. Both single people, should keep their hearts for only one person. At marriage, both parties should have a pure heart and body. Remember, there is mental Adultery (Matthew 5:28, “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart”).
8) Both parties must learn patience. They must be content with singleness until God’s timing.
9) Both the boy and the girl must be prepared (ready) for the responsibilities of marriage.
10) In order for there to be a good marriage, there must be compatibility. Both must be saved, committed to Christ, have godly character, have the same convictions, and the same goals. Things that are over looked before marriage, will come out as problems, after marriage. The Bible states in Genesis 24:4, “But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Issac”.
11) Both the man and the lady need to learn to be under Authority. Neither party should do anything, without the guidance of Authorities, God has placed over them. The Betrothal relationship should never proceed against Biblical Authority.
12) It must be remembered, that leaving means staying under parents until married. The Bible states in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”.
The Bible also states in Galatians 4:2, “But is under tutors and governors until the time appointed of the father”.
What things need to be considered, before Betrothal, during Betrothal, and before Marriage?
1) Saved (2 Corinthians 6:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? Also, 1 Corinthians 7: 39, states, “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband is dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord” ). A lost relationship opens the door to temptation and always disobedience. In a Christian marriage, God is the Center, and God’s view is the key!
2) Doctrinally the same, in just about everything. Any differences, ever so slight, will be the problem areas when raising the children.
3) Do each of the parties have a Godly pursuit for life?
4) What is the character of each one? Character, is the choices I make in difficult times, when only God would know. One might ask, “Would Jesus make this choice?”
5) What is the calling of God for the qualified man, for his life. Will his bride submit willingly to do?
6) Is the girl desiring to raise the children, responsible for the home, Never having her children in public school?
7) Is the qualified man desiring to provide for his home, lead the family in home worship, pray together as a family?
8) Is there compatibility between the couple, relatives, and siblings. Has the couple become best friends?
What then, is God’s Order in His Plan of Marriage?
1) There must first be Spiritual Agreement.
2) There must secondly be mental compatibility
3) There must be the emotion of love
4) Finally, there must be physical attraction. Notice, this is not first, but is last!
Three phases of life Biblically
1) Not Betrothed (single), or widowed
2) Betrothed
3) Married
These three phases can be seen in the Bible in the next three passages
1- Sex with one not betrothed (single) –Deuteronomy 22:28-29
2- Sex with one Betrothed (however, no resistance here) – Deuteronomy 22:23-24
3- Sex with one that is married (called Adultery in the Bible) – Deuteronomy 22:2
Let us now look at a cross section of the globe, in getting to the marriage Alter
MUCH DIVORCE--------------------------------------- LITTLE DIVORCE
Worldly Dating
Fleshly
appetites
Christian
Dating
Plays
with Emotions
Flesh?
Courting
50%
of all
Courtships
are
called
off
Betrothing
(God’s
Plan)
Totally
arranged Marriages
Practiced
in India –
Not
of God
Bride
is sold by her Father
To
her husband -Perverted Bride Price
Practiced in Uganda, Africa
Bride
is auctioned to the highest bidder! Makes
the girl nothing more than
property
Practiced in parts of Africa
The Bible states in 2 Corinthians 11:2, “For I am jealous over you with godly jealously: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I might present you as a chaste virgin to Christ”.
A good paraphrase of this verse might be – I am anxious that your love should be for Christ alone, just as a pure maiden , saves her love for one man!
What factors are critical and non-negotiable in a Betrothing Relationship?
1) Heavy Parental involvement from start to finish.
2) The couple is never alone until marriage.
3) No parental approval, no Betrothal relationship.
Remember, even in Courting there is never any Bride Price, and what about the approval and direction of the man’s father?
An example of a Pre- Betrothing Coverture (used possibly about 12 to 13 years old, between Fathers & Daughters)
This Coverture is between _____________, as Father and _______________, as my daughter, as witnessed by the Lord Jesus Christ. We agree together, to seek God’s choice for my marriage, concerning a future life partner, when I am awakened, by a possible qualified man.
FATHER DAUGHTER
I
will protect you from all I will accept
your protection and
Unqualified
men. keep
myself pure for my husband,
both
mentally and physically.
Giving
my whole heart, mind, and
a pure body,
for God’s one, that
was prepared,
just for me!
I
will be diligent to lovingly I acknowledge that
I am capable of
guard
you from even the being deceived, and will immediately
presence of Temptation. come to you, my Father,
should any temptation
present itself to me!
I
will teach you God’s Principals I will listen and
learn and wait for
Concerning Life and Marriage God’s
best for my life.
I will pray for you, wait with you, I will seek first the
Kingdom of God,
and communicate with you, and His righteousness,
and look concerning
God’s choice, foreward
to entering a Betrothal
for your
life’s partner. Relationship,
and will wait for
your
blessing and approval, before
entering Betrothal, or into Marriage!
________________________ ____________________________
Father’s
signature Daughter’s
signature
________________________ __________________________ _________________________
Witness Witness Witness
Pre- Betrothal Decision Time – A time when a mature man and woman seek to determine, with their parents guidance and approval, God’s will for their lives, in relation to each other. A qualified man needs both his father’s permission and direction.
BE – to cause to come to pass troth – the trust of marriage
Good keys to a happy marriage
1) Parents and young people should make sure that they have each others complete heart.
2) Children should be taught from the time they are very young that there is only one other person in life for them. This one other person is the only one for them, unless death, both physically and emotionally.
3) Those not old enough to be married should concentrate on seeking God, instead of seeking a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
4) Children must be warned about breaking the 10th Commandment (thou shall not Covet) According to 1 Timothy 5:2, we are to intreat sisters with all purity. “The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity”.
5) Young people should be friendly towards everyone, unless their parents say not to.
6) Parents and children should discuss together the character, personality, and commitment, of other young people.
7) Girls should never seek a mate. This stops active and passive flirting.
8) Boys should not seek a mate until they are old enough and mature enough for marriage.
9) A young man should be willing to pay the price to get his bride.
10) Couples with their parents, should plan a wedding, that will glorify God in everything.
Principles of Biblical Purity
1) Keep your eyes away from the opposite sex. The Bible states in Job 31:1, “I Made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon amaid?”
2) Don’t develop friendships with others, who your parents would not approve of. If you have any questions, ask your parents.
4 Levels of Friendships
a) Hello friends (be ye friendly)
b) Casual friends (examples – friends at work, maybe at Church) These are friends you come across often.
c) Close friends (Fellowship level) – Mutual beneficial friends, never any friends of the opposite sex here, (this excludes close relatives) unless in a Betrothing relationship .
d) Intimate Friends (Marriage) NOTE – Parents are to prepare their children for marriage. WHY? Jeremiah 17:9, states “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
3) Every person in a Betrothing relationship should be saved and committed (this includes both sets of parents)
4) A qualified man (after consulting with his father) must always ask the girl’s father first, if they can enter a Betrothing relationship. A qualified potential man can be a dinner guest, join in family devotion time, go on a family outing, and even attend Church together with the family. However, the potential couple, should never be paired off, seat together, or be alone together, until and if a Betrothing relationship has started. The wise thing here, would be to have the potential man and his whole family over together!
This should be the thinking – Mary is godly, I will talk to her father, since my father already approves, about me pursuing a Betrothing relationship, that will end in Marriage with Mary!
This would be the wrong thinking – Mary is beautiful, I want to take her out, so I will talk to her, and maybe fulfill my senual desires.
5) Parents should always be with the couple at all times until married. If there is not a father, than maybe the Pastor and his wife, with the mother, could make it work out. There must be authority and accountability.
6) There should never be any kissing or any physical contact until I do, at the marriage alter. Romantic Love (Intimacy) is only for marriage.
7) Families should always sit together when in mixed groups.
Let us now review briefly, Dating/Courting contrasted with Betrothing, from two different Biblical Examples.
Dating/Courting (2 Samuel 11:1-12:14)
Where did the idea originate? - Human Nature (2 Samuel 11:2, “And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king’s house: and from the roof of the king’s house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon”).
What was the motive? – Getting (2 Samuel 11:4a, “And David sent messengers, and took her; )
What was the goal? – Pleasure (2 Samuel 11:5, “And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child”).
What was the result? – Hurts (2 Samuel 12:9-14, “Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife, and hast slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon. Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife. Thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbor, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun. For thou didst it secretly: but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun. And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord, And Nathan said unto David, The Lord also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. Howbeit, because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die”).
Betrothing (Ruth chapter 2 through chapter 4)
Where did the idea originate? – God’s Standards (Ruth 2:11-12, “And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore. The Lord recompence thy work, and a full reward to be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust”).
What was the motive? – Giving (Ruth 2:15-16, “And when she was risen up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men, saying, Let her glean even among the sheaves, and reproach her not: And let fall also some of the handfuls of purpose for her, and leave them, that she may gleam them, and rebuke her not”).
What was the goal? – Commitment (Ruth 3:10-12, “And he said, Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman. And now it is true that I am thy near kinsman: howbeit there is a kinsman nearer than I”).
What was the result? – Edification (Ruth 4:11-15, “And all the people that were in the gate, and the elders, said, We are witnesses. The Lord make the woman that is come into thine house like Rachel and like Leah, which two did build the house of Israel: and do thou worthily in Ephratah, and be famous in Bethlehem: And let thy house be like the house of Pharez, whom Tamar bare unto Judah, of the seed which the Lord shall give thee of this young woman. So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the Lord gave her conception, and she bare a son. And the women said unto Naomi, Blessed be the Lord, which hath not left thee this day without a kinsman, that his name may be famous in Israel. And he shall be unto thee a restorer of thy life, and a nourisher of thine old age: for thy daughter in law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons, hath born him”).
Common objections to Betrothal
1) What if my parents object to the one I choose?
The Bible states in Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right”. Children should accept the fact that parents can be objective, that they offer wise counsel, and a son or daughter can trust God to work all things out!
2) What can a person do about feelings they have before Betrothal? Don’t they need to release these feelings?
The feelings that a person has before Betrothal, need to be controlled. If a person doesn’t learn to control feelings before Betrothal, how will they learn to control improper feelings, after marriage? There must never be defrauding of the heart.
3) What if my father is not close to me? A child and father, should work on the relationship. A child should trust God, and give their heart to their father.
4) What if my parents refuse to participate in Betrothal? The Bible states in Hebrews 13:7, “Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation”. A person can always go to their Pastor for help!
5) If I don’t flirt, date around, hang out, or cruse the strip, I will never find someone to marry? To begin with, this objection denies all faith in God! However, there are things a family can do, so that their child can meet people in a Godly manner. A family can have family fellowships, and invite families to come over for a visit. Group settings at Church, can also be good times to meet people. NEVER have a Youth activity without Parents. An older Adult couple is not good enough. Godly camp meetings are good places to take your children. Camp meetings need to have a time of fellowship, for the sake of future families. Finally, home school fellowships, for families only within the Church, are great activities for getting to know others.
6) I want to go off to College and get a Career, before I settled down and marry a man. The Bible principal is that girls stay home, under their fathers authority, until Marriage. They need to be helping in the home, learning to be good mothers. They are not to go off to college, or seek a career, without parental approval. Their Biblical role in life, is that of Wife and Mother, first!
If they desire Colleges Courses, so they can be a better home school mother, when married, they can take the courses at home. We live in an age of great technology. This does not completely rule out a career, if the father approves.
7) I have often heard it said, but if my husband die, and I become a widow, I must have a career to fall back on?
This again is the wisdom of the world. A young widow should go back home to be with her father, until married again. An older widow should move in with one of her children. No where does the Bible teach a woman is to be on her own!
8) I come from a poor family, and if any thing happened to my husband, my children and I would be out in the cold?
In this situation, the Church becomes responsible for the family. A wife's husband, knowing that if something happened to him, would be putting undue hardship on his family, would have life Insurance on himself. It is very cheap, and destroys any reason for a wife to go into the work place, unless it is the Lord's will. -- Proverbs 31
If we were to rewrite Genesis Chapter 24 for today, we might entitle it, “Isaac getting a babe”.
Would we say – And Isaac looked for an intimate good time – when he turned 16 years old, and could drive his own sports car, after he had been making out already for 4 years. He was looking for the most beautiful, and hottest girl, for now, until a better one comes along.
A main question to ask is, “Am I the right person to get married?”
Today – ½ of all marriages end up in divorce, and most of the other half are unhappily married. The father in Genesis chapter 24, was the one looking for a mate for his son. Can you trust God to guide your father, in finding you a bride.
The girl’s father, must also find out if the qualified man works, believes in staying out of most debt, and many other things, once the qualified man approaches him. This is a task God has placed upon Fathers. Will they accept their responsibility?